Indian or American or Indian American or neither?

I recently returned from a personal trip to India. It was combination of attending a wedding, having our two and a half year old son go through a hindu rite of passage (his motai in tamil - or mundan in hindi) and helping my parents move from a house into an apartment (or a flat we called it when in Chennai). As always, such trips are memorable for many reasons, the food, the sickness, the hot weather, the chance to catch up with relatives and friends, the minor (and some major) obstacles you overcome to get from say Ashok Nagar to Thiruvanmiyur or get a new telephone line or get Kinley to deliver drinking water. Invariably I always end up having interesting conversations with people when I am there.

One such conversation was with my parents about the identity of kids born to Indians settled in America. Now Indians from India have in the past used pejorative terms such as ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis) for them. Not that Indians in India dont have names - another term for Indians in India who aspire to come to America - NRA or Non Resident Americans. Now let me say at the outset that second generation kids born to Indian parents are great achievers and have done the community proud.

The gist of the discussion was this. Both my parents believe that it was important for Indians in America and even second generation ones to maintain their identity as Indians and their Indian traditions. I argued that it was okay to do so only to the extent where they didnt feel confused as to their identity. I strongly believe that Indians in American should first be Americans and then Indians - their identity should be through their "American-ness" first - and not through their Indianness.

Spend a few days in Silicon valley - or in the melting pot of New Jersey - You can find dozens of carnatic music schools, Bharatanatyam schools, Indian prayer and religious organizations and the like. I know parents in these areas take pride in sending their kids to dance schools or music schools or to chant slokas. And it is wonderful to see the homegrown talent that exists here. Parents also take pride in leading a supplanted Indian lifestyle here.

I cant help wondering but can these kids who grow up in a distinctly Indian environment at home ever feel at home in the US and be able to contribute to American society in a meaningful and substantive way? Can they ever become part of the American society like immigrants from say Eastern Europe or Italy or other countries? As it is Indians stand out due to their brown skin. Doesnt maintaining an ethnocentric lifestyle or upbringing only strengthen the issues associated with race?

There is one part of the Indian upbringing that I think parents should maintain - the focus on achievement and on academic accomplishment. But that is not enough. They need to get involved in giving back to American society, in becoming part of mainstream America. Many Indian Americans have already done that -but I get the feeling not enough.